Gambling ≥ Presidential Election

This Matters | Romteen Bahramirad | April 4, 2016

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April is finally here, spring has sprung, and I am currently chilling, oh so hard, on this 70-degree and sunny Sunday. The weather is great in Madison (probably just jinxed it), and we have some quite important events this week in the state of Wisconsin. As most of you know, Villanova will be squaring off against UNC in the NCAA Men’s Basketball National Championship.

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Also, this Tuesday, the Wisconsin primary polls will open starting at 7 a.m. and they’ll close at 8 p.m. While I probably will not be getting my vote in at 7 a.m., I will definitely be voting. Everyone and their baby mama’s should too because we have the opportunity to choose the president of the United States and voting is low-key tight.

With these two events coming up this week, I was curious to know more about what people care more about – their March Madness bracket or voting. You would assume that more people care about the future of our country rather than predicting the winners of the college basketball tournament; however, that is not really the case.

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In this year’s college basketball tourney, 70 million people filled out a bracket, and it is estimated that $9.2 billion will be invested in bets for the tournament, which is a $200 million increase from last year. Honestly, for our country to be so dedicated and devoted to gambling makes me proud to be an American.

However, Steve Wartenberg of The Columbus Dispatch found that the number of people who voted for either Barack Obama or Mitt Romney in the 2012 election is less than the number of individuals who filled out a bracket. That right there makes me not so proud to be an American. This leads me to ask a question for all of America:

Why is everyone so damn eager to fill out a college basketball bracket, yet nobody gives a shit about voting?

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Alright, it’s kind of a stretch to say NOBODY gives a shit about voting, but the numbers are honestly terrifying. So far, 26 states have had their primary and caucus elections and the total number of votes casted is 35 million. 20 million of those votes have gone towards a candidate from the Republican party while the other 15 million have gone towards the Democrats.

Okay so 35 million in 26 states doesn’t sound that bad. The scary part is that 39.5% of Americans are not even registered to vote, while 34.3% are registered and chose not to vote. Bruh – that’s 73.8% of America (I know I’m good at math)…what the hell are we doing with our lives.

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Hear me out, I’m not into politics at all and that is a personal choice, but I know for damn sure I am going to be voting on Tuesday. Many people have been saying that they don’t really like the candidates for this election, including myself, but that is a bullshit excuse not to vote. Personally, I’m not necessarily voting ‘for’ somebody, more so I’m voting against certain candidates. I’ll admit that I’m voting against Donald Trump. I don’t mean to put him down for any of you Trump supporters, but I’m kind of tweaking that he’s going to deport my parents if he’s elected. You think I’m kidding, but I’m already getting discriminated by Venmo, who voided one of my transactions for having the word Persian in the description.

Also, I’d like to say that if you end up not voting basically because you’re lazy, you’re a loser. I’m a big believer in flexing on Instagram and utilizing my rights as an American. Like c’mon fam, that’s like finally turning 18 and not getting your drivers license, legally buying a pack of cigarettes or lotto tickets. Side note, I’ve never in my life bought lotto tickets, but that’s because I think the lottery is a liberal myth just like Abraham Lincoln.

The moment I turn 21, I’m going to experience drinking alcohol for the first time (I hear beer and gin & tonics taste pretty good), apply to adopt a child, go to a strip club, and gamble my face off at the Caesar’s Palace sports book. In summary, I’m going to be mayor of titty city after drowning in G&T’s with my adopted Czechoslovakian son Malachi, however I’m going to make sure to vote before I do all of that. UTILIZE YOUR RIGHTS FAM, UTILIZE THEM.

Voting is a serious problem in the U.S., and with every problem there must be a solution, and I have it. Voting in the presidential election should be done in a similar fashion as the college basketball tournament. 1 vs. 1 debate, two 45-minute halves (with halftime breaks, timeouts, and overtime), seeded candidates, split into four regions and two separate podiums facing against each other in some sort of stadium. Could you imagine a matchup between Donald trump at the 2-seed and Kanye West as a 15-seed (#upsetcity)? No shot I would watch UNC vs Villanova over that. I’m an absolute genius.

To find out where to vote on campus tomorrow, CLICK ME.

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Do your country a favor and please vote this Tuesday. Don’t be a part of the problem; instead make a positive impact for America. FOR AMERICA!!!